Stages of Life

Life is full of stages. The stage when we are innocent kids. When our biggest fights are about a piece of chocolate. When our deepest injuries are during play time. When our hardest task is a math homework. Then comes the stage when we start to grow up. When we start to feel new feelings in the existence of someone of the opposite gender. When any eye contact holds so many meanings behind. When we become so sensitive. When we have all those fairy tales as dreams of the future. When all what we search for is the knight or the princess of our dreams. Then comes the stage when we really meet our soul mates. That’s when we try so hard to makes our dreams come true. Sometimes dreams come true. Some other times, dreams turn to nightmares. This is the stage when we live the choices we once made before. When we become responsible of every little thing in our lives. When every new decision affects all those surrounding us, depending on us and living with us. When dreams are no longer for ourselves. When life is not ours anymore. This stage as much as it is hard. It is the most beautiful because only then, we see our plans getting into action. Life is full of stages, the hardest and the longest is the third stage, yet it is not the last.

Depressed?

Pure definition of depression…

Women – Past Present and Future

For a woman, life has three main stages..

Life before marriage, life after marriage and life after baby…

The first one is complete freedom, the second is some change with lots of freedom and the third is imprisoning with no sight of freedom.

The first one is full of reckless decisions with lots of mistakes and a million question about Mr. right, the second is full of consideration with less mistakes and lots of happiness, and the third is full of sacrifices, depression and minor moments of happiness.

In the past, all what a woman would wish to have, is a husband. In the present, all what a woman wish to have is life, work, friends, husband and happiness. In the future, I guess there would be no more room for a husband with all the new possessions of life.

Discovering Myself – III

Turning points… They are plenty! The first ever was when my first childhood best friend traveled. It was hard for me to let go. I stick to people in a dramatic way. I found it too hard to just let go. But I finally did. Probably one or two years after!

The second was in third preparatory, probably I was 14 years old. It was when my grandma passed away. She was my best friend. She passed away on my bed. I was almost the only that she told how she met grandpa. She was a moving angel on Earth. She had a dream meaning the end of her life, and again, I was the only that she told the dream. When she passed away, I was so reluctant to believe it. But it changed somethings in me. This summer we went to do Ummrah at Mecca. This is the summer when I decided to put on the veil and work for Islam.

The third was during the third year of college. I was almost 20 years old. When I was fully dedicated to studying and college work, I was completely neglecting a lot of fun. I was working day and night. Most of the friendships were for studying. We were close friends, but because we were studying and working together. When some issue occurred because of one of the projects. I felt deceived. I felt I misjudged my friend. I felt giving more than I should. This was when I decided to take it easy. Life is not all about studying. Yes, work and dedication is extremely important, but not when it overrules social human communications. We are social creatures. Well, it was a turning point. I learned how to stop mixing friendship with work. Friendship shouldn’t be abused for the sake of  success. Work shouldn’t necessarily mean gaining best friends.

One last turning point… This is when I ended my first engagement. It was all based on my personal decision. It was not an easy one, but it helped me more understand people. I learned how to judge on the opposite gender. I also learned how to fight for my own dreams and happiness.

Turning points are huge changes in one’s life. Either in the physical, social or thinking level. I have passed with almost all of those. But the ones which affected me the most, are those on the social level. When it comes to people, it’s definitely the hardest turning points. Sometimes they’re good, some others they’re bad. The most important, is to learn from them.

Discovering Myself – II

School days.. They were the most innocent, yet the most painful. I knew my first best friend ever in KG2. We are still connected up till this moment. She traveled when we were on second primary, and I had some lonely years. I was not a good friends maker because of the terrible social skills. I wasn’t interested in socializing because of my eyes allergy condition. During childhood, it was the worst, I even sometimes had to stay at home because of that.

Fourth primary, it was the hardest and the strangest year. I did not go to school for a whole month because of my eyes. It was the first year when my parents did not study to me. It was the year when I knew my school friends, we stayed together till the end of school days. We’re still connected but not like before. Those friends are the ones that I made special posts about earlier on this blog School Friends [I-II-III-IV-V-VI-VII-VIII]. I was not clever at school, yet at the end of the year, I was among the top 10. I was not very friendly, yet I knew my best friends. Fourth primary, it was definitely a turning point in my life.

Life went on, with no major changes to be mentioned. I have always been a clever student, not top of class, but a clever one. I was not that much keen to be the top of class. I haven’t ever studied something I didn’t like! I remember in third preparatory, we took Social Studies subject, which really sucks for me! I took a couple of lessons not to study, and I got very high marks. I loved math on top of all. I almost never took lessons, but some revisions after school before exams. I enjoyed studying what I loved.

First secondary was the most hilarious year. I was intending to try how to be a loser, and I failed! I tried to enter a monthly exam without studying and I got 4/20.. It was the best feeling for me ever. I tried to fail and I was happy with it. This year, I dedicated myself to sports. I wasn’t achieving any medals yet. But I was enjoying my time. I was training basketball and taekwondo. I was training for fun. I was trying to be a loser and for my surprise. I finished this year forth on my school! It was hilarious and fun. This year my view to my friends changed a lot. It was the first time to know different friends from them. I have seen different people and different kind of success. I have seen life from a different perspective. I tried to treat them in a different, and I believe a much better way than preparatory stage.

First secondary, this is when I decided to put on my veil.  This is when I decided to fight for Islam. This is when I wished to succeed in my life to show that a Muslim girl can be the best because of her Islam. This goal came true last year of school, when I was top of class, and I mean extremely top of class. I won my first medal ever in sports. I had many successful years when I put that goal in front of my eyes. This was always a key factor for success. I should always stick to it whenever I want to achieve anything in this life.

Discovering Myself – I

When I look back to my life, I thank Allah for every moment. I had many ups and downs, few turning points and major lessons. If I try to sum up everything, I believe it would be impossible. But I would give it a try. I really want to write down everything I learned. I wish to write down the happiest moments of my life and the hardest. I need to remind myself how generous Allah is with me. How I should have acted in some situations and how I shouldn’t. How naive I was sometimes and how super brilliant I was other times. How evil I am and how kind I am. When I get out of myself and look to my own time line, I see who I really am. I am not that kind of a person who reveals my real me. But I will try to do it here, may be it shortens the path between me and everyone else.

My most successful year of my life was second year at college and the worst was fourth primary. The most enjoyable years were third secondary and fourth year at college, and the most miserable were second preparatory and third year at college. The most contradicting years of my life were 2007 and 2008. The most social years of my life were all through college years and the most lonely were early school days. The major turning points were in Summer of third preparatory, winter 2008 and February 2011. The things that calms me the most are writing and running. The things that frustrates me the most are stupidity and disgrace. I am very strict and yet very opened. I have very complex thinking yet very simple style of living.

Who am I… This is the journey that I’ll start, in the hopes of finding internal peace and happiness… If any can help me, please go ahead!

Where is the love – Celine Dion

If ever a boy,
Stood on the moon
All the heavens would call them angels ’round
Stop the tears from troubled skies…
From
Falling… falling… falling

If ever the river could,
Whisper your name,
Would the choices you made still… be the same?
Like a flower that dies from angry rain
… Why do we hurt
Ourselves?

Where is the love…
That lets the sunlight in to start again?
The love… that sees no colour lines
Life begins, with love,
So spread your wings and fly,
Guide your spirit safe and sheltered,
A thousand dreams that we can still believe…

If ever a boy,
Stood on the moon,
Carrying all of his treasures from the stars,
To a rainbow which leads to where we are
Together we chase the sun

Where is the love…
That lifts my brother’s voice,
To the skies
The love
That answers a mother’s cry
Life begins, with love,
So spread your wings and fly,
Guide your spirit safe and sheltered,
A thousand dreams that we can still believe…

A boy stood on the moon…
The ancient souls can still discover
A thousand dreams that we can still believe
That we can still believe
We can
Still believe
We can still believe…

Safe?!

How would I feel safe when nothing around me nurtures this feeling! I cannot find petrol for my car. I fear the robbery of my car. The dramatic increase in prices that one day I won’t be able to put up with. The neighbors curse and throw trash on each other. The drivers devote their lives to hit your car. The rush hour lasts for days. The students who never stop cheating and insulting their teachers. The university professors who have serious psychological issues and zero academic level. The team players who refuse to listen to their coach. The coach who kills his team players just to achieve his personal goals and ignoring everyone’s status.

It’s a very long terrible story. Every day’s story is a misery. Shall I lock up myself to feel safe and secure? Till when this life will last. I’m really looking forward for a brighter safer future.

I am a mother!

I am a obsessed with my baby! That’s what they say! Yes, I am her mother. I feel bad when…

1. People tell me I am not taking care of her
2. Someone stays with me while I change her diapers or change her clothes
3. Some stranger carries her without asking… A stranger once actually took her from my arms without asking!
4. She does not stop crying
5. Anyone hurts her
6. She falls or hit herself
7. Another baby hits her… I feel I want to eat him alive!
8. Strangers advice me nonsense advices, like remove her thumb from her mouth, feed her well, don’t stop breastfeeding, don’t carry her, don’t give her potatoes, give her more meat and poultry, don’t take her out, don’t comb her hair…etc
9. She coughs
10. She feels cold
11. People feed her things without asking me
12. Everyone wants to feed her ANYTHING they are eating… Please wash your hands, and use a different spoon and ASK ME…
13. I say something and people argue the opposite.
14. I dress her something, and people say that does not suit the weather. It’s always too cold or too hot!
15. People believe she’s a copycat from themselves! Guys, she’s a human being different from anyone including myself. She doesn’t have to love boiled eggs just because you do!

Please… Try to understand… I am a mother!

Beautiful Souls

You look to people’s eyes, you see tragedy. You look into their souls, you see beauty. This is Egypt. Where we suffer to get our simplest rights to live, yet, we help each other to survive. The average standard of living is too much below the global poverty line, yet, you rarely see death from starvation. We learned to get our essentials to survive. We learned to care for each other even if we needed help.

If my car breaks down, people come to offer help out of no where, even if this would delay them for their work. If my purse falls off my bag, I find a young kid drawing my attention for my purse, even if he is penniless. If an old man tries to pass the streets, you find a young man holding his hand to pass, even if this was not the young man’s path. If a pregnant lady wants to do some paper work and she stands in a long line, you find everyone offering her his place, even if they stayed more time. If an old lady gets on a bus, you find everyone offering her a seat, even if they were tired. You can see a long line of cars waiting in the street for someone to get in a taxi. You will find beauty in everyone’s soul, starting with your parents and ending with the prayers of a beggar, but you will have to dig deeper.

When you look thoroughly into people’s souls, you will find how pure they are. They live on their natural instinct. They learned how to deal with the eruptions of life and get over them. They learned how to rise again after every pitfall. There’s something very special about us. This is something beyond explanation, as much beautiful as the smile of a baby. Yet, there are deep wounds left from the past decades, as much painful as a broken rib. But one day, our beauty will conquer every pain. Beauty of our souls will get us all our rights again. I believe this is a key message for who we really are, and understanding this, would guide us to be the leaders of the future.

Muslims Brotherhood

A part of me unconsciously is happy that the Muslims Brotherhood are taking a large portion of the Parliament, I overlooked their past, I am looking forward to the future.

If they really apply Islam the right way, we would definitely lead the whole universe. I literally mean “Whole Universe”. I also believe they are not stupid enough to lose the trust of the Egyptians (who barely trust them), they won’t do those stupid actions of covering status and preventing women from practicing their rights. Anyway, we will see. I believe we are now stronger than any time before. If we did not like any of the decisions made, we have our Tahrir Square.

A huge portion of the Egyptians fear the Islamists because of beliefs the previous regime implanted in us. We believe they will lock us in our homes. Christians believe they will be imprisoned and murdered. Liberals believe they will not be allowed to practice their rights. On the other hand, if Islam is really applied in the right way, Allah’s way, all of us would live happily in peace, and above all, leading nations.

Islam does not oblige anyone to be a muslim “لَكُمْ دِينُكُمْ وَلِيَ دِينِ“. Islam does not order us of terrorism “وَلا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلا السَّيِّئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ”. If we really applied Islam as it should be applied, we would definitely be the leaders of the world. I am having some hope that the Muslims Brotherhood would apply it as it should be. Yes they will make mistakes, and our role is to help them stick to the right path.

Self Chats

Why when I wish to make progress, everyone seems to fight me back?!

This seems to be the theme of the year. When I move quietly making some little progress in my life. I find a million voice stopping me, fighting me and even imprisoning me. I am one of those women who strongly reject the idea of being locked up for having a baby. Yes, I am a mother, and devoting my life for the sake of my baby. But at the same time, I have a life, a career and above all, I have high hopes. I do not live for the sake of changing diapers and soothing the baby. I am living to make our nation in a better rank. I am living to work, study, produce and achieve dreams.

I am not decreasing the importance of motherhood. As I mentioned earlier, I am giving all what I can for the sake of raising a (nearly) perfect human being who can reach the highest ranks this life. But if I took this as my one and only job. I would probably kill a thousand dream I live for. Why does everyone push me back to stop dreaming? Why does everyone seem all of a sudden the priest asking me to stay at home for the sake of raising a baby? I don’t know who gave them the picture that I am ditching my baby by hunting my dreams.

No one is asking me to hunt my dreams but I simply cannot give them up. I dream to have a life, socialize, be with my friends, my family and succeed in my career. Having all of these things done at the same time would imply taking longer time to get them all done. But it does not mean giving away what I am longing to do.

It is very frustrating when the people you expect their support the most, find them the ones opposing you the most. I will fight for my dreams. I will not give up upon my life. I am seeking perfection, in motherhood, and my entire life.

Thoughts

I see hope with every stride
I move forward with pride
I am targeting success
Slowly, but it’s progress

Prayer

اللهم يا مالك الملك
يا رب انك تؤتى الملك من تشاء وتنزع الملك ممن تشاء
اللهم اهدنا لما تحب وترضى
ودبر لنا أمورنا على أحسن حال

Whirlpool of Routine

Everyone needs a break from his/her life. If your life is nothing but a routine. You wake up everyday at the same time, on the same alarm, drive the same car, in the same traffic, meet the same people, do the same work, eat the same food. If your life is going on and on without a change, then, I am saying it out loudly: “Your life ain’t no life”!

The symptoms start when you find yourself not knowing week days from weekends. When you find your self not eager to do anything different from waiting to the next day. When you stop dreaming. When you are living just because you are alive, and not because you are achieving something you have ever dreamed of.

As soon as you find your life going in that direction, the routine dull direction, STOP. Stop and re-arrange your life style. Spice it up. Add any thing new to refresh your soul and build new dreams. If you left yourself to the dilemma of routine, you might drown and be lost in whirlpool. If you could seek support of friends and family, do it. Do it before they themselves forget that you were once in their lives.

I might be too pessimistic, but I know I’m being realistic. If you could save yourself, do it now, and save me with you!

Silence

I have so much to say, that I can’t even arrange the words. All what I am supposed to do is to smile and obey. I cannot express my feelings, not because of an empty dictionary. I am done with my heart being locked up. A zipped mouth does not help me healing. But at least, new wounds are not brought up. I am recently taking silence as my shelter. With that shelter, I shall stick for eternity…

Desperate.. Shallow.. Lost..

I cannot describe how I am sad
About myself, I feel so bad
I feel my life is taken away from me
And every good thing I might be
I need to change my self and my life
I am not even sure if  I am alive
The dreams I have given up
All my life is mixed up
Crawling to survive my day
Depression along all the way
Nothing I do is enough
Everyone’s treatment is so rough
I no longer know my style
I even failed to find my smile
Desperately trying to find my self
Apparently I left my soul on a shelf
Fully covered with dust
Desperate… Shallow… Lost

A Letter to Cairo

Dear Cairo,

I truly deeply madly hate you!

I hate the way you made me feel. You turned me to the person I never wanted to be. Your over-crowded streets turned me to an arrogant, aggressive, impatient and selfish person. I cannot wait 10 seconds to pass someone. I do not want to stop to let a pedestrian pass. I might even insult anyone who thinks to threaten my path! The streets are broken. Car drivers do their best to smash your car.

Your over-polluted environment took away my heath, my immunity system and my glow. I am allergic to everything you have. I became unable to breathe natural air. I might even wake up in the middle of the night trying to find some oxygen and I usually fail!

Your paper work system made me waste more than years just standing in front of an employee waiting to finish his tea to serve people. Your governmental system created generations of negative IQ. People do not think any more. Everyone does his best to survive in this jungle. There is nothing called high education or low education, both are ill-mannered and usually illiterate. I am not talking about cultural illiteracy, because this normally exists. I am talking about read/write illiteracy.

There is nothing called a good place to live. Because in less than 3 kilometers away, you will be surrounded by slums. These slums are another story. People living there in a completely retarded way with no future intention to make things more organized. A journey out of your home to go to a 3 blocks away shop, means giving up all what you learned in your life to pave your way to there. You face all kinds of disrespect. You face everything you might have never thought possible.

Dear Cairo, you are no longer dear. You took away my right to live in dignity. You took away my right to live at all. Dear Cairo, I truly deeply madly loath you.

A Day of My Life

It was May 2004, the practical exam of my favorite subject, structured programming. I had worked on a C++ project with two of my colleagues. We did a simple game. I had so much fun programming it. I felt like an artist drawing every aspect of the game. I delivered the project with a teaching assistant who was reluctant to believe that we did the project ourselves! Everything passed well, until it was the time for the oral question. Like most places, the oral question is done by the professor of the subject. When my turn came, the professor was delighted to ask me. He simply told me to ask any question and answer it! All teaching assistants gazed with surprise. He told them: “Yes, let her pick anything and tell us about”. It was the strangest feeling ever. The professor trusted me in a way that he left me test myself! I asked him which chapter, he answered anything I wished. I picked the recursive functions because I was astonished by their mechanism.

This was a very special day of my life. When the professor trusted me and made me test myself. When I felt I am being appreciated.

Thoughts and Quotes

I was scared from having a baby. I believed that my life would no longer be mine. For my surprise, the baby replaced all those fears with joy and divine.

Social Networks

In a couple of years, I believe we would open our social network in the morning to tell us what to do! Google+ is more than an integrated social network with everything we do on the internet. Google+ is integrated with the mail, calendar, chat, documents, photos and reader. Google is also able to detect your location and your friends locations. Google+ is more than just a social network. It is the pure definition of a monitor for your daily life. Not only your life, but also all your friends’.

I remember that less than a decade ago, we were always warned not to put our real data on the internet. We were always using fake names on MSN or our e-mails. We were warned to never show our photos anywhere. It was like a tabu to do such an action. Nowadays, people hiding under fake names are considered to be silly. Everything is available online. In the next couple of years, Google will simply tell you the best thing to do on your day. It will be able to make your own schedule. It might even get integrated to your own car and drive you to your destination.

The technological development is always helping man kind. But thinking about the future and the way it might control the human kind freaks me out!

Thought

I can see the finish line, yet, no enough power to reach there.
If I stopped now, I would be out of the race.
If I go on, I might win the first place.

Women Upgrade

In the past, all what women longed for was a smile and a thank you. This would definitely mean the world for them and boost their ego for another year!

In the present, these techniques alone are more than enough to end a relationship! Women nowadays expect at least a gift, besides the smile and the thank you. Of course, the gift effect lasts for no longer than a month. It is not a life-time thing.

In the future, I guess she would not expect less than a trip to the moon as anniversary gift!

Women are upgrading, if you do not keep up with the updates, you will be outdated and probably miserable.

Love Theory

Since

They said: “True love never dies”.

They said: “If love does not find nourishment, it will die”.

Therefore

True love might die!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the most valuable asset one can ever have

Ya Allah

يا الله

The only word that truly releases all my stresses.
The only word that truly triggers my inner peace.
The only word that truly makes me in that amazing state of mind.

Scattered Feelings

Searching for you everywhere
I can hardly find your flare
You were the one bringing light
For my life you were the delight
You were the definition of beauty
You released me from every duty
You filled me with innocence
Sadness was just nonsense
You unleashed my soul to the unknown
All my worries on you were thrown
Because I trusted you being by my side
From you, I had nothing to hide
You were my shelter in the cold
I truly loved the way you were bold
The last thing I wish to tell you
I truly do miss you

Sarcasm

It is a double-edged weapon. If you used it with your mate, it will kill the love between you. If you used it with your friends, it will increase the love between you.

Sarcasm is very common in the Egyptian culture, yet it is very dangerous. If you are not well-trained on how to use it, then DON’T. You might lose that person by mistake. Sarcasm might be on anything, person, appearance, character, action…etc. The more you get personal, the sharper it is. Some people are used to make fun of every body’s appearance, which might (for sure) hurt. It would even lead to unexpected reactions. Most people tend to avoid the sarcastic person to save their dignity. Sometimes sarcasm unintentionally turns to humiliation. Sometimes it creates unhealed wounds. Sometimes it builds walls between people. But some people manage to reach anyone’s heart through sarcasm.

If you are not quite sure who you are making fun of… Don’t risk it!

Random Quote

When men can not be men, don’t blame their women
for not being women

School Friends – VIII

Salwa.. I knew her since third primary. She was living next to my grandmother’s house. She was always the kindest of all of us. She is very spontaneous. She is always sticking to habits and traditions. She was the first one of us to reach puberty. During preparatory stage, I felt that she is someone elder than me. During secondary stage, I felt that I am elder. She always had strange theories about everything. She has that special smile. She has her own mindset.

I remember she was the only of us who studied History in secondary. She was always convinced to put on the veil when she enters college. It was very hard to convince her with anything else rather than her point of view. Yet, you can easily love her company. She cherishes friendship in a way I cannot describe. She was the one persuading us to stay together after school for some time. She was the one persuading us to go out together. She was the one always so keen not to say anything that would hurt any of us.

We got apart all during college and after college. But since a couple of months she started to contact everyone again. I believe that she has got back her old self. She is cherishing friendship like before. She is getting back all her old connections. She is someone I always loved to talk to. Since she always gave me the impression that life is still so pure.

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School Friends – VII

Sally.. I always liked her character even though I never got close to her. I liked her being a friend. She has always been the best friend of Miral. In the last few years of school, she could be the best friend of Mariz and Meriam besides Miral. She is very loving and very understanding. She was the only one of the group who managed to study computer sciences like myself. She was very attached to her sister. She has that very special way of fighting for her rights. She never accepted blaming. She never accepted any bad word for any of her friends.

You can find her supporting and loving whenever you need it. She is someone who stands with the right. Even if the mistaken person is her close friend, she would proudly stand for the right. Sally is someone very special. I knew her more lately, after we both got married. We have been pregnant in the very same time. In some way I feel we are alike, but we never had a chance to really get connected. Sally is someone I truly love. She is someone who I love to listen to her opinions. She is someone very frank. She is someone you love to be with.

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School Friends – VI

Miral… She is the most peaceful of all of us. We knew her in fourth primary. She has always been Sally’s best friend. I remember her always with that long braid. She is the girl with that very innocent smile. Miral is someone I always loved but I never thought of making her my best friend – as I already had Mariz -. She has been very romantic and very pure.

Miral is one of the best girls I have known during childhood. Whenever you talk to her, you discover that you are not a girl, of course compared to her. She has that strange level of inner peace. She even can spread that peace to who ever passes by her. She is strongly attached to her family. She is always the girl who gets embarrassed from anything. Calling her name loudly makes her shy! She cries so easily. She is extremely sensitive. She is the pure definition of a girl.

Miral, she is one of the school friends that I still keep some contact with her. She is very good in keeping relationships. She is very lovable. She is easily loved. She can heal any wound. Her smile can cover for any unintended mistake. She is someone I believe no one could not love. She is the best friend one can ever have. Miral usually made me feel that she was the baby of our group. You could feel that she was the youngest despite she was the eldest. You would always feel that you need to protect her from anything. She is simply someone who you love to stay with.

Miral… I truly love you, and I wish for us to stay in contact for good…

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School Friends – V

Meriam… She is the twin sister of Mariz. She is extremely kind. She is always smiling and telling jokes. She is very open-minded. She also had that talent of imitating every known character or actor. Meriam is someone you definitely love to stay with. She has that special charisma of making you forget about any problem you have.

She was Hamlet in our play. She really did fit in that role. I believe no one would have done it as good as she did. Meriam was close of everyone. She could be trusted by everyone. She has got that special thing which makes everyone enjoys her company. One of the most things I loved about her is that impression she gave me. She sometimes made me feel that she is “The naughty boy”. She was simply spontaneous.

Sometimes she is kinder than she should be. It was easy for anyone to fool her. Meriam is very outgoing; she was the one always pushing us to go out together. Despite she is the twin sister of Mariz, she was always convinced that Mariz is her elder sister. You could always see this in her eyes. She did care for Mariz more than anyone could ever imagine.

Meriam was the out-of-trouble girl. She hardly got into any fight. She hardly raised any problem. She was simply someone living with that strange level of inner peace. I really love her. I believe she was the reason for preventing many problems from arising between us.

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School Friends – IV

Now it’s Marian’s turn. She was always a close friend to Mariz and Meriam. Her mother was their mother’s close friend. They were used to go home together. She was usually quiet and calm. She was also very smart and very religious.

I got close to her during the time when I broke up with Mariz. I guess I was in deep pain, and she was the one who stood by my side or that’s how I imagined. Also at that time I had a spleen ankle when her leg was broken. So, we were supporting each other.

Unfortunately, she was the one I could not forgive easily up till now. She was feeling that we were extremely different because of religion differences. Despite I did not ever consider that difference; she made me re-assess my thinking about religion.

First, she refused to be my best friend because I am not Christian. She told me that directly. After I got so close to her, she broke me again. I was so helpless at that time. Second, when I had my spleen ankle, she kept kicking me in my leg. I thought it was un-intentional. When I requested her to take care because it hurt me, she told me that she meant it because she believed it was healthy to do that. On the other hand, when her leg was broken after two weeks of my spleen ankle, I was helping her to go upstairs and downstairs. I was so keen not to hit her in the broken leg un-intentionally. I did not notice that there was something wrong. I was too young to understand this. Especially that I did not consider religion as a difference that should stand between friends.

Also, she was the main reason behind that stupid fight with Dina I previously mentioned. She was the reason why I sometimes lost my temper with everyone else. At that time, I was too weak to directly face her. Instead, I got my stress out in everyone else. I believe this was one of the strongest reasons for being apart of everyone else.

I will not talk a lot about her. But I know I should have reacted in a different way with her not to lose everyone else. If only I were smart enough, I would have fixed everything else. But I was too young to see the big picture. I regret many things that I did because of her.

On the last secondary year, I remember I once burst into tears because she made me lose my temper. I was not crying because of her. I was crying because I was working on improving myself and I was making progress. I was working so hard to stop getting nervous. But she made me get nervous, which made me cry.

Anyway, she made see things in a different way. She taught me a lot. She was one of the group girls that I do not want to speak about more than that.

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School Friends – III

This post is about Mariz. Mariz is the twin sister of Meriam. Mariz was my best friend for a very long period during school time. I first knew her on fourth primary. By the time, I discovered that her father (God bless his soul) was my mother’s neighbor during their childhood. Also, her grandmother was my grandmother’s best friend! Also, my grandma told me that Mariz’s grandma is the one who made them move to Masr El Gedeeda. Can you imagine how small the world is?! Well, from that moment, I felt that Mariz and Meriam should be my sisters. Their parents were my family’s neighbors. So, they should definitely be my sisters and that was how I always dealt with them.

Mariz was always the closest to my heart during childhood and teenage. She was the one I loved the most. I loved her thinking and her character. I always felt we were alike in everything. We even sometimes made the same mistakes in our exams. I always felt that connection between me and her. I told her about everything in my life. I always felt we were more than sisters. I simply loved her with every part of my heart.

During childhood, cheating in the exams was something very normal. I have no idea why we considered it helping each other! I remember that the first time we had to sit apart was in second preparatory by one of our teachers who believed we were cheating. That was the hardest part of my life at that time. That’s when I had to sit apart from my soul mate and best friend. I kept crying days and days until I got back to my seat next to her. Whatever I write now, it cannot describe my love to her. I remember I used to write her letters all the time. During classes and when I was apart from her, I wrote one of the best articles that I still keep up till now. Yes! I wrote letters for her. I still keep a huge folder containing many and many of those letters and papers describing my feelings for my school friends. I believe Mariz’s was always the longest.

In third preparatory, a lot of changes happened. I guess that was the hardest year for me. First of all, I found that she wanted to break up with me without me understanding why. I found her not willing to sit by my side like always. I found no one to tell my secrets any more. I felt so sad and so broke at that time. I guess it would have been a little bit easier if we talked together why she wanted us to split apart. But it just happened that way then. I believe it was because of me.

Also, I guess it was that same year when I had that huge fight with the whole group. I do not remember exactly what was it about. But I remember that I did say a lot that did hurt everyone. Mariz was the most one that I hurt. I remember that I could not speak to any of them for a couple of days and whenever that I looked in the eyes to Mariz, I broke into tears.

During secondary years, I was passing through so many changes – I will talk about that later. But I was improving myself. I changed my thinking and my character so much. May be it was already too late for school friends to notice it. But I wished that I changed much earlier, I believe that all my stupid mistakes ruined a lot between me and my school friends.

Mariz and Meriam were with me during the summer vacation more than everyone else. We played basketball together. We went to the library together (not to read – but to dance and act). We wrote our famous Hamlet Story that was played once in the school and another time in the library. We took some lessons together. We visited each other during summer too much. We were so close.

I remember when once we had that Arabic lesson at her home, when the teacher decided all of a sudden to cancel the class. It was Ramadan and she was fasting as well. I remember that her mother kindly prepared me the iftar and they all waited to eat with me.

I loved Mariz more than I loved my sister. She really meant everything to me. I do love her so much. I still wish those days come back so that I do not make the stupid mistakes again. I really wish that these days come back again. Because I do miss being with you like before.

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School Friends – II

We were a group of 8 girls. We were Dina, Mariz, Marian, Meriam, Miral, Sally, Salwa and I in the alphabetical order. Each one of us had a story. I knew each of them through others. We were school friends most of the time. That’s because whenever the summer vacation started, we could not meet during the summer. I could meet some of them during summer vacations, but only a few.

In this post, I would start with Dina. I knew her when she moved to our school. I guess it was first preparatory. She is the girl with that smile on her face. She is so kind, so pure and so loving. She is attached to her father in a way I could not imagine. She is innocent in a way that you can easily fool her. She is spontaneous, and very smart in reducing conflicts.

I loved her as a friend. She was always so kind to me. One of the best things she did – that I still remember – was reacting spontaneously to a strange situation. We were filling the applications for secondary school, when one of my friends said something wrong. She covered for her by telling a joke. It was the smartest reaction.

Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to attack her instead of the girl who said that wrong thing. Up till this very moment, I regret what I did for Dina, I regret attacking her in that non-sense way. She was helping me when I attacked her.

During school, we used to make fun of who we wish to marry. She was always telling us she was waiting for Dr. John, who should be a Doctor. She was telling it in the funniest way ever. She is really very kind and very pure from inside.

Dina, I wish to tell you I am still sorry for that stupid reaction I once did. I also wish to tell you that I really hold all the love and gratitude for you in my heart. You are such a pure girl that I am proud I was once a close friend for.

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School Friends – I

My school friends… I have so many confessions, so many memories and so many thoughts about these days. They were the most contradicting days of my life. They were the days when I learned everything about life. They were the days when I was someone I did not like. I am too awkward. Shall I post this or not? Is it too late or what? But I have made up my mind. I will write it. Whatever it takes me to say, I will just say it. I guess it is hard, because this might be the most personal post on this blog since I ever started to write.

I am not sure whether to write a post for each one of you, or to write stories from different stages. I guess I will write about each one, and may be switch to scattered stories later. I believe it will take more than one post. This part of my life was closed for so long. I believe it is the time to open those closed boxes. I hope to have the strength and the power to write everything. I also hope that you see things the way I currently do.

So, let’s start the series, buckle your seat belts, and go…

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Parents Love

“No one will ever love you like your parents do… Not your husband, not your friends… Only your parents”

These are my mother’s words… Only now I believe they are so true. Parents love their children by instinct. It is not acquired by the time. It is not gained by experience. It is the only pure natural love. Friends and mates are acquired by the time. Did you ever love your friend from the first sight? Did you ever love your mate with everything you have got from the first moment? Of course not.

Parents are the only who would love to see their children better than they were. They would do the impossible for the sake of their children. They would deprive themselves from sleeping, traveling and any sort of amusement, all for the sake of drawing a smile on their children’s faces. They would quit their jobs or work double shifts for their sake. They would end every dream of their own, for the sake of their children’s dreams. Parents do everything, for the sake of one thing, their children’s happiness.

Believe me, no one will ever love you like your parents do…

Never marry…

…a liar.. He will do every mistake and hides it. He will lie in the good and the bad. You will lose trust in everything. You will lose trust even in yourself. You will be living so lonely. It is a habit that would never change.

…a stingy.. He will save every penny. He will blame you for every thing you spend from your own money! He will never buy you a gift. He might even lie about his real fortune. The hardest of all, is that he will turn you to a stingy as well.

These are the hardest characteristics a man can ever have. So, when you pick your mate, check if he has got any of those. Because if so, I believe you would need to assess your relation again!

10 Ladies Communication Rules

During the past year, I have passed through many major changes. From my experience, I have a lot of advices on how to deal with a lady whether you were a male or a female. They are general rules on how to deal with a lady.

First of all, what is the definition of a lady! It is the female human-being from the moment she becomes a teenager till the end of her life. The following rules applies for any creature called “A Lady”:

1. Never call her “Tant” or “Auntie” unless she is 30 years older than you. Basically if she is in the age of your own mother. If she is younger, then, do not attempt to call her anything but her name or nickname!
2. Never call her “Madam”. If she was not married, then you would be insulting her. If she was newly married, she wouldn’t probably like it.
3. Never call her “Madaaaam”, in the Arabic accent. It feels like someone working in students affairs for an institute. Usually, these type of ladies take all kind of groceries to the office to finish cooking there. Well, it’s simply not appropriate.
4. If you insist to use the word “Madam”, then please, pronounce it in the right way. I mean in french. If you do not know french. Please use Google to know how to pronounce it right.
5. Always call her “Miss” or “Demoiselle” or anything in any equivalent language. If she is not married, she will not feel awkward. If she is married, she will feel happy that she still looks young. (Try it with anyone close, your mother for example, and see how delighted she’ll become).
6. Never assume that a fat lady is pregnant. You cannot imagine how embarrassing it is to congratulate a fat lady for pregnancy while she is not (and probably not married too).
7. Try not to look to a pregnant lady’s belly. She is usually quite embarrassed on her own. You shouldn’t add to her embarrassment that everyone is gazing at her exploding belly!
8. Stop looking for rings in Ladies fingers to know her marital status. I remember once someone held my hand high just to check if I put on any rings! If you want to know, simply ask. By the way, it would be better (and politer) if you don’t bother!
9. After birth, you do not have to examine a lady’s body to check if she has lost her pregnancy weight or not. Usually, it’s none of your business!
10. In a word, deal with her as if she is a princess. Because deep inside every lady, lives a pure innocent princess. Keeping this in mind, would save everyone’s life… Of course your life!

Democracy Starvation

We were living in a society where every voice was accused. Every opinion was imprisoned. We were starving for democracy. We were dying to be listened to. We were deprived from our simplest rights. We were sacrificing our lives to buy bread. We were shutting our eyes from the beauty of life. We were drawing smiles on our faces when none of them were real. We were pretending to be living when we were half dead. We were not having a life. After the revolution, some of these are still the same, but most of them, are on their way to departure. I am waiting for the day when I sacrifice everything to stay in my country. I started to have this feeling. But it is not that much yet. Neighbors still fight for parking slots. Students still run-away from schools. Workers still skip working days. Drivers still drive in a messy way. Ignorance still prevails. Immorality lies in every inch. But I do see the light. It is coming from those who raised the revolution. I am filled with faith that I shall witness the day, where Egypt is the lighthouse for the Arabian nations. I will do my role. I will start with my self for the sake of this country.

Funday T-Shirt

Yesterday, I was arranging my wardrobe when I found that amazing piece of memory. I found my funday T-shirt…

While I was at college, on our last year, we made a celebration in the faculty, named it fun-day. Every department had their own T-Shirt color, with its logo. After the day was over, we had all our friends signing on our T-shirts. This was the T-shirt I found yesterday! I read all the wonderful words my friends wrote for me. They were very touching. They made me remember the wonderful days of college.

The T-shirt logo was like an IC (integrated circuit) with 13CSYS07 as its serial number. The 13 was for the number of students in the department, the CSYS was the abbreviation for the department name (Computer SYStems) and the 07 was for the graduation year (2007). We picked a German word below the logo which is: “Die Unbestechlichen”. It meant “The Untouchables”. It looks pretty cool. But the T-shirt color was terrible, we wanted it to be light green (pistachio) when it turned out to be dark green.

Most of the quotes I had on my T-shirt were that people did not have enough time to know me. They were right! I spent the first three years of college being so busy to stay with others! But only in the fourth year I was socializing more than anything else. One of the funniest quotes was: “Today is Sunday ya Bero”! It was for one of my best friends, I used to ask her EVERY DAY if it was Tuesday. I remember that I always forgot the days and she was the one always asked! One of the most touching words was from one of the graduation project members. He told me that he learned a lot from me, and he wished to stay friends forever. One of the most famous drawings, was that elephant for one of my best friends. She is known with the elephant! The one that I feel sorry whenever I read, is for one of my friends, who used to be a best friend, but for some reason, she is now so busy that we almost never talk.

Well, it was just a T-shirt, but it held so many memories behind. I loved my college. They were really the best days of my life. I miss every FCISian, especially 2007 graduates

10 Things I Regret

1. Stopping to learn french
2. Favoring success over socialization
3. Not sharing the room with my sister
4. Having a short engagement
5. Being shy to tell my opinion
6. Expecting from others somethings
7. Learning from others mistakes rather than mine
8. Giving more than I could bear
9. Thinking in situations more than it requires
10. Not going to Tahreer during revolution

Women vs Men

Women are said to be weaker than men. After my experience, I guarantee that a man cannot be as strong as half a woman! (With all my respect for all men!) Yes, men are weaker than they pretend to be. In the past, women were not allowed to learn in schools because they were destined to be house wives. Also, because the man society was not ready for any competition! Nowadays, women are excellent workers and house wives at the same time. Men are either workers or house wives. Men cannot do more than one thing at their day; they just work. On the other hand, women work, bring the kids from school, cook, study for the kids while doing the laundry and indulge their husbands.

There is an Arabic proverb said when a woman is doing a super job, they say she’s counted as a hundred men. From my point of view, that’s decreasing her real capabilities! The average woman is better than a hundred man. While the average man is hardly counted as half a woman. It’s a complicated equation. But after my experience, I guarantee that men cannot do what we can do…!

To sum up: “I am a woman and proud.”

A Negative Thought

Passing with all these mood swings.. Being unable to do anything for myself.. Being unaware of the date and time… Forgetting my own birthday.. Ignoring my personal needs.. Losing my temper from the least mistake.. Crying whenever I am alone.. Being hurt and not allowed to talk about it.. Feeling drunk while being sober.. Stealing the time to be me.. Sleeping with open eyes.. Pretending to be someone different.. Suffering from pain with no rescue.. Screaming for help with no listener.. Dying for a hug with no partner.. Dreaming of what I wish.. Expecting the least from those around me and no response.. Waiting for a beam of light.. Waiting for this mood to go away..

There…

All those memories I live with
All those feelings I badly miss
I miss every moment I was there
I am dying for that special care

A million unanswered why
No one ever seemed to understand
Everything seemed to be a lie
Every one lives on a different land

Every dream I once lived for
is crushed..
Every hope that was there before
is vanished..

I miss being there
Which reminds me with every sad song
Where I have no life to share
Where now I no longer belong

Random Thoughts

Lately, I had some more time to see things from a different perspective. I had many wishes and many thoughts. Here are some of them…

1. I miss my friends more than I can describe.
2. Being blessed with so many outfits, and being unable to wear any of them is tearing me apart.
3. I wish to do a million meshwar, and totally unable to.
4. I wish to get back my mood!
5. I wish to take more vacations
6. I wish to stay by the sea
7. I wish to run with full speed and feel the wind that carries me.
8. I wish to study.
9. I wish to go shopping.
10. I wish to drive in an empty street.
11. Getting a positive feedback from a student about yourself, is more than amazing to keep giving.
12. Sometimes ignorance is a blessing.
13. Mothers do worry too much.
14. I wish to sleep on my tummy.
15. It is very irritating to see others looking to your belly instead of your face! Especially when it’s from the opposite gender.
16. I love Vita Cheese and Chocolates.
17. I need to focus more on my needs rather than others’ needs.
18. For the first time, I am searching for holidays!
19. Writing… An activity I love to do, but I am too lazy to do.
20. We never forget what we do not want to forget, we hold on to every dream that was once so true…

1. I wish to sleep on my tummy.

It’s your choice

Sometimes we make the wrong decisions and blame others for them! For instance, if you are exploding for being pregnant, and searching for a shopping mate. Definitely do not go for those girls with shaping madness!

A Prayer

اللهم املأ قلبي بحبك وحب من يحبك وحب كل عمل يقربني إلى حبك

Why A TA?

A question I have been asked over and over. Why I bother. Why I don’t remove that heavy load over my shoulders. A million why I am asked by almost everyone. But simply, they cannot see things the way I do.

Yes I am not fully dedicated to teaching. But I am dedicated on the days that I give for teaching. Being a TA  is not only to teach something. It is about educating others, myself, enriching my communication and presentation skills and improving the whole country! Being a teaching assistant, implies that I study all days, either preparing for the new week labs or working on the masters. It implies patience with learners. It requires team work and support from other TAs. The most important, it requires giving positive spirit for all the ones around. Without positivity, no one will do the right work!

In my faculty, TAs do more work than lecturers. When we were students, we depended on TAs to learn how to work. Lecturers gave us important concepts, but no applications. I am totally convinced with this, so I do all what it takes to help students understand. I read about teaching methods and do whatever it takes to be of real support. Building a good base for students, guarantees they find the right job later on. (actually, it helps them find a job!)

Improving one self and motivating others to study and improve, will definitely raise my country. It will give everyone a target to be a better person. Living in a community with people knowing their targets, is a way much better than living in a community where everyone is following the tide. I believe that us – TAs – are of close age to students, so we should understand what they really need. We should understand how to provide it. We should do whatever it takes to make them better than us.

Being a TA, is something I love to do. But I wish everyone understand their exact role, to make the mission much easier, and to raise the educational, cultural and motivational level of everyone!

Random Theories

1. November is the month of break-ups and March is the month of hook-ups!
2. The most crowded days are Mondays and Wednesdays.
3. One does not like to eat his/her own cooked food.
4. Summer and Spring are the months of pregnancies!
5. Women are cats and men are dogs.
6. Programming is an art, master it or leave it!
7. Work is a tool, not a target.
8. Marriage is not about two identical persons living together, it is about different persons completing each other.
9. Teaching is the worst job in governmental institutes, it is the only job taken for granted!
10. Logical thinking and analysis is a very powerful tool one can possess, except in Egypt!

A Memory

It is now two years… I can hardly believe it is really two years since the moment I started talking to you… Time does pass too quickly… You were not here then… We counted the days together till you get back… It was like a dream, that I was not willing to believe… I was sure it was not real… I was not able to believe anything at that time… Shocked, scared, broken with internal hope… I was so scared to believe in that hope… I was watching everything… Happy with the freedom I gave myself… I was still in pain, but you could get me out of it… You were my friend… A very sincere one… I was not sure why you were standing by my side that way… I was not able to understand why you showed up at that exact moment… Was it because you just wanted to support an old friend… Or was it because you are planning for something beyond friendship… Confused, yet feeling protected by the unknown… How could you just appear out of no where in that time… Was it because you knew I needed support… Or was it because it was our fate and destiny… I had a feeling it was not coincidence… I was almost sure of what you are planning to do… But I did not want to believe it… I was full of doubts more than ever in my life… I convinced myself it was not true… I was not ready yet… The marvelous thing about you, was that you already knew… You could handle me in the best way one could ever do… You just did it… And here I am… After all those months… Proud and happy to be with you…

10 Decisions I Am Proud Of

These are the life changing decisions that I made in my life. There are more to come, but these were the major up till now…

1. Going to the faculty of computer science instead of engineering.
2. Hurdling (playing sports) for the sake of sports and not for the sake of high school marks.
3. Ending my first love.
4. Doing two full-time jobs.
5. Selling my previous car.
6. Choosing to do new time-consuming-tasks even if it is taken from my rest time.
7. Giving up some dreams for the sake of my happiness.
8. Hearing others but listening to my inner conscious.
9. Choosing to be independent to a large extend.
10. Being with someone who truly cares for me.

Sometimes I need to remind myself with this list, when I feel down, it does help me rise up again…

Is It Just You?

I hate the way you make me feel
Everything about you is so unreal

You loath my friends
And all my life trends

You scream all the time
You see sleeping as a crime

You no longer bear my requests
You no longer welcome my guests

You stopped loving me
You stopped caring for me

All your promises are now vanished
Whatever I do I am always punished

Telling my opinion is not my right
Making a wish is no longer right

You stopped living for me
Your demands are what you see

Your ego conquered your humanity
You became the definition of insanity

Am I fooled, or is it just you?

A Prayer

يا رب ارزقنى القوة.. اللهم انى اسألك من فضلك.. اللهم اعنى على ذكرك وشكرك وحسن عبادتك

Changing Career

At some point, if you always do the same thing for a very long period. You would probably think of shifting careers. If you are doing technical work for some long time, you would probably switch to more managerial or leading job. You would feel fed up of the technicalities. Above all, you would feel you are not learning any thing new, you are just giving everything, and taking nothing in return.

As soon as you reach that point, you would probably think to change career. Whether it is in the same field or in a totally different field. But you would have the idea. The point is, how much would you struggle to change your career. How much risk would you take to switch career. How much would you really do, to make that change.

My advice, as soon as you feel bored, or your learning curve stops. Switch it or suffer it!

How would you feel when…

..your father tells you “Fakes”.

..your child calls you by name.

..you forget how to pray.

..your student insults you in public.

..your best friend betrays you.

..you forget to call your sick mother.

..you do not see your brother and sister for more than a year.

..you hear the obsolete word “rewesh” from your friend.

I think this is when you recognize that either you are dreaming, or you are living in a strange world! May Allah save us from this and guide us to the right path.

To Think Or Not To Think

When I think about how to fix the world around me, I feel so much depressed. Being in a country which does everything in the most retarded way ever, makes things worse. When I see all that traffic because of a truck. When I see all those fights because of football. When I see all that wasted time because of immature routine. When I see all those students not caring for their future. When I see all those unpaved routes. When I see the reason behind corruption. When I see the reason behind betrayal. When I wonder why things are not fixed. When I try myself to fix. When I search for a decent blouse. When I try to meet my friends. When I think to organize a birthday. When I plan to study. When I intend to work. When I try to reach every goal I set to myself. When I try so hard. But everything around hinders me. When I think, and know the reason why. When I feel helpless. I wonder if the right thing is simply to stop thinking. I wonder, to think or not to think!

It’s always too late

Whenever a man tries to improve for his soul mate, it’s always too late. Men by nature are more self oriented, while women are mate oriented. Men usually expect her to do everything that makes him happy, regardless her feelings. The biggest problem is that they take this for granted. They assume that “Since she loves me, she will do whatever I like”. On the other hand, women really do all they can, and sacrifice more than a lot for the sake of the person she loves. All what she waits for is usually a complement, appreciation and may be some flowers. It is that simple, but it is too hard for both to understand.

Sometimes, the relation between couple reaches a dead-end. Usually, the female is the one who notices this quicker, and she tries so hard to change her partner and herself to fix things out. She also usually puts so much hope out of love. On the other hand, the male usually fails to see her efforts, he usually does not understand what she is trying to do. The result is always the same: a desperate female, and an absent man.

Yesterday, there was a movie on the television emphasizing this in a way that touched me so much. How women always send all indirect messages, make all possible effort and put so much hope. While on the other hand, men never get the message, totally ignore the lady, assume her insanity and are always self oriented. In the movie, when she was totally desperate, she faced him directly in the face, with the most harsh words one can ever say, she told him that she did all what it takes to be his love while he never showed care and took her for granted. After her very direct hard words, he simply asked her: “Why did not you simply say so? How could I understand?”.

Right after that, she loses complete interest in being with the man. Whatever he does, will be insignificant after the deep pain she has inside. Any action he does as an effort to make up for her, would definitely be too late.

For men, it’s always too late to fix love. For women, I believe she should do less effort to fix things, and simply be more direct.

Change

I feel the urge to change the curtains and wall colors. I am looking for new wall paintings for every room. I cannot stop the idea of swapping furniture. I need some minor changes to give me the feeling of a real change in my life.

A Prayer

Thank you Allah for giving me all what I asked for and more

Thank you Allah for being by my side and aiding me to get out of every tough situation

Thank you Allah for being the most merciful

Thank you Allah for making me who I am

R.I.P. Heba

I was in the university, just finished my first lab of the semester. I got my mobile to call someone. I found a bunch of text messages and calls. They were all the same message… A prayer, and a shocking news…

I knew her on the first day I joined my work. She was hired on the same date like myself. We were four girls then. In most of the trainings, we had to work in groups, she volunteered many times to work with me. It was not easy to work with me at that time, because my background studies were totally different from the others. But she could help me step by step how to have things done. She was not nervous that I am hindering her. She was delighted to help me out and guiding me through these trainings.

Days passed, and no matter what, you could see her smiling, and spreading inner peace into others. She could do this without saying anything, just by passing by and saying “hello”. Later on, she joined a team responsible for making activities for the company. She managed to make some outings. I remember “bowling” the most. She took all the effort to manage the day. She paid for us till she gets refunded. She was very kind, calm and smiling as usual no matter what happened.

Days passed, and she had to make a small surgery to remove her gall. This was not a hard procedure. But when I knew, I felt sorry for her, and called her back trying to be sure everything went fine. She took a couple of weeks as sick leave and she was back again spreading her special peace into others.

Days passed, the company became larger, and we were split on two floors. Most of us – the girls – were in a floor different from hers. Yet, she did not stop the habit of saying “hello” everyday. She came to our floor, passed on almost all of us, just to have a little talk and be sure that we are all fine. She usually came during el-zohr prayer. She picked her friends and went down to the prayer. This was almost the scenario of every day.

Days passed, the company started an aerobics activity for girls. She was always keen to attend. She was doing it just to be with us. Despite how hard these classes were, she managed to do it. Any day she managed to go, you will find her car filled with girls. She picked whoever did not have a car. Even if we delayed her for the class, you can never see her upset or nervous. She is just kind and peaceful.

Days passed, some of us might have circumstances, either good or bad. If it was a wedding or katb ketab, you will find her managing to attend, despite the distance she has to drive. If it was an accident, you will find her taking us all with her, and driving all the extra 100 km back and forth, despite the heavy traffic. If it was a celebration that one of us will get married, she was never late. She purely loved each one of us, despite everything, she managed to be with us whenever she could.

Her last e-mail was this link: “click on the picture” entitled “A Gift”. Her last words on facebook were: “el7amdulelah .. mofareg elkarb w ga3l ba3d 3osrn yosraaaa .. meen ysada2 yesterdays nightmare is todays relief”… Her last outing, was with some of us, again, picking them up for our aerobics classes. Her last words with me, were congratulations and a cheerful talk.

She was an angel, spreading peace into others. She was kind and pure, I have never met someone like her. She was the definition of a beautiful person. She was a message for everyone. She is Heba. The girl I am proud to have known one day.

يا رب اغفر لها و ارحمها و تجاوز عن سياتها و زد في حسناتها و اغسلها بالماء و الثلج والبرد و نقها من الخطايا كما نقيت الثوب الابيض من الدنس.
اللهم اجعل الفردوس الأعلي هو دارها.

Separate Islands

Nowadays people are becoming more aggressive. They became more self-concerned. Each one is living in his own island, with extreme reluctance to allow anyone else on board. Haven’t you noticed that your friends stopped adapting their times on yours when you have severe circumstances? Haven’t you noticed that you, yourself, stopped trying to make more effort for the sake of anyone? Haven’t you noticed that your work colleagues stopped replying on your phone calls?! Haven’t you noticed the behavior of pedestrians walking beside you on the same pavement?! Haven’t you noticed the drivers in the streets, they are all following the rule of “Me comes first”?!

Even inside your home, your parents stopped caring about what you have to do. You, yourself, stopped helping your parents and siblings in whatever they need. The neighbors became the definition of an endless war. Family members no longer know each other. Kids no longer feel they belong to a certain place. Your country is doing its best to kick you out.

What would you do, if every body, every thing, every living and non living thing, is in a separate island and fighting anyone who dares to get close… I feel sorry for our lives…

10 Jobs I wished to do

During my childhood and early teenage, I had some dreams about the jobs I wish to do when I grow up. They were a lot. They were based on what I like. I moved towards one of my dreams with everything I have ever got. I prayed a thousand night. I did all what it takes to make that dream come true. Yet, I was sure that I can do other jobs than this job of my dreams… Here is what I once wished to be…

1. Software Engineer or Computer Engineer
2. Academic Career in the University
3. Architect
4. Decor Expert
5. Sports Trainer (Athletics or Basketball)
6. English Language Teacher
7. Writer
8. Artist
9. Astronomer
10. Driver

I am currently #1 and #2. I had an opportunity to be #5, but I did not find the time and I skipped it. I am partially doing #7 but not as a job, it is a hobby. Same is for #8, but this hobby is diminished to the least. I am also obliged to be #10, but not as a job, it is a duty!

The un-achieved jobs #3 and #4 were based on talents I discovered in myself during the last year in secondary school. But I did not find the time nor the chance to enrich these talents. Yet, I was planning till late college days to study some open education courses! But now, I just skipped the idea…

After all, I can say: الحمد لله…

A Wish

I desperately wish that people keep the same spirit after Ramadan. Usually in Ramadan, taxi drivers “try” not to insult other drivers. Smokers do not smoke during the day, which keeps the city a little bit clean. Tolerance prevails among citizens. The poor and the rich try to help each other find food and clothes. Students and friends gather for charity activities. I wish this spirit lasts the whole year. I wish to feel that internal pleasure of being part of this community. I wish to feel that internal peace with myself, and all the surroundings… Will that ever happen after the end of this month? I wish.

A Memo

Today, while cleaning up my room, I found this memo..

“Just when I need her, all that I have to do is to look at my bed.. Where I sleep.. You know why? Because when I look there I see her.. I feel her.. I hear her voice calling me.. talking to me.. telling me what to do.. how to do it.. helping me to get out of my troubles.. my sadness.. her tender touch relieves my anger.. removes my pain.. releases my inner powers.. She gives me the strength to keep struggling for survival in this life.. She gives me a reason for my life.. She shows me the path to success.. She aids me to make my choices reasonable.. She taught me how to control my temper.. How to be useful.. If I wrote what I learnt from her, papers would not be enough.. In a word, she taught me how to live my life..”

It is about my Grandmother, May Allah bless her soul, and make Heavens her home..

Egyptian Females Features

The Egyptian female – like the Egyptian male – has got very special features that makes her different from all other females from around the world. Some of those features are common between females in general, and others are common for the Egyptian female specifically.

1. They wear make up wherever they go, regardless what time is it!
2. They have terrible communication skills. Especially, when they deal with each other! I mean TERRIBLE.
   
3. Along decades, they are losing the female infrastructure, and replacing that with a male one! Haven’t you noticed the way most girls act these days, they are men wearing girls bodies!!
4. They were the worst drivers in the female world, but now, after trying to become more “manish”, they are improving, yet, they are still the worst drivers in the country!
5. Behind every disaster, you’ll find an Egyptian female!
6. They are traitors by nature. Haven’t you heard the famous saying that “Girls are cats and men are dogs”. Yes, girls resemble cats in denying the favors of their owners, and doing all tricks to get what they want! While guys are extremely loyal, like dogs, they never forget their owners, and they are clear enough in what they need! Well, the female traitors examples are many millions, it might need a standalone book!
7. They are having very low IQ. Unfortunately, it is decreasing with time. Especially, after a major change takes place in her life such as starting to work, marriage or having babies!
8. They have a very special soft tone when they talk with guys, and a very vulgar rough tone when they speak with each others!
9. They are dependent by nature. Yes, dependent, not independent. Unlike all females of the western community. Actually, they are a very heavy load on whoever sacrifices to take care of them!
10. They are extremely skinny before marriage, and extremely overweight after marriage. They can hardly manage to get back to normal weight especially after the second child!
11. They loath sports, practicing and watching. Yet, they adore sports guys, despite they have nothing in common.
12. They care more than they should to relationships news! The first question I am asked when I meet one of them by chance, after 10 years of not seeing her, is always “Did you get married? Have you got babies? Who else got engaged?”!!!!
13. They are the best rumor spreaders.
14. They can hardly keep a secret. Because most of the time, they forget it was a secret!
15. They are obsessed with Egyptian males singers and actors. They memorize all their songs, all their movies, all their past history! They are really obsessed in a way, that if one of them does not know a certain actor, then, she is no longer their friend!

Egyptian Males Features

The Egyptian males – like any males around the world – have got their very special trends! Some of them are pretty good, others are just psychic.

1. They are obsessed with football, whether it is a kids match in the street or the world cup. They just clear their messed up schedule for the sake of this life or death match!
2. They hate air conditioners. If the weather is too hot, they say we should tolerate it, hell is much hotter! If the weather is normal, they bring a jacket, just in case it got cooler! If it is slightly cool, they bring the heaviest jacket, because it might rain!
3. They smoke. Cigarettes, Shesha, weed, bango, heroine… They just love to see smoke!
4. As soon as they sneeze, you hear this: “I have got a bad cold, I need antibiotic and a sick leave”.
5. They do not accept any female to beat them. Haven’t you heard of that guy who decided to race with a girl in the street just because she crossed the traffic light before him?! Haven’t you heard of the guy who spent his lifetime trying to be the first on the school, just because she was always a girl?! Isn’t it very rare that a man marries his female manager?
6. They do not accept house work. “I am not a girl”, that’s their excuse!!! They do not help their mothers, their sisters or their wives. They are convinced it is insulting for his man ego to do such an action!
7. They are obsessed with cars and motorcycles, basically, anything with a motor. They take a zillion pictures of cars. They remember their latest models and their past history!
8. They think they are multifunctional. They believe they are born with natural instinct on how to be an electrician or a mechanic or a plumber. They assume they know everything, sometimes they do, and most of the time they don’t!
9. They take very good care of their bodies – gym and sports – before marriage. Right after marriage, their belly pumps out and they lose the interest in any effort different from sleeping.
10. They comment about everything, anything, everywhere and anytime. Whether it was a new car, a new shoes, a passing girl or an old man. Very annoying!
11. They care about their shoes and their watches. They don’t mind buying a T-Shirt with a 500 L.E. but when a female asks for something almost the same price, it’s normally too expensive for her. Usually, the T-Shirt will be the dream of his life, made in Germany and resembling that international football player’s style!
12. They consume food more than a pregnant woman would!
13. They love lamb meat. Well, they love meat in general.
14. They are LAZY. They love to sleep whenever they get the chance; in public transportation, on weekends, on vacations, in bus. Also, they tend to do only one thing a day. They go to work, and go home to sleep. They do shopping, and go home to sleep…etc
15. They use a special language when they talk to each other, and they use another language when they talk to girls! Usually, they curse each other, and their parents as part of their daily talk. But with a girl, they never dare to.

There are a huge list of things, you can see in the Egyptian male youth. They are not all very pleasant, yet they are not all in the same person. But usually, you’ll find most of them in almost every person!

Kids Shows

During Ramadan, the only thing I might have a chance to watch, is a kids show called “Zaza w Gargeer”. This year, I found that the contents are totally irrelevant for kids. I could not believe what they are really showing! I mean did you see a kids show cursing and insulting other characters in the show?!! Unbelievable.

The characters are insulting the evil and stupid characters using: “stupid, Retarded, Asshole, Idiot, Donkey…etc”. Is this what they want to teach our kids?! They make them shows that teach them how to be mean, and then, they complain that the ethical level of our children is below zero!

Also, I did not feel the show targets to teach our children something useful. What is the main message for this show? Nothing!

I feel so sorry for the contents of the terrible kids shows we are currently producing. It makes me certain that the worst tutor ever, is the arabic and egyptian kids shows! All the western and far-eastern shows, are a WAY much better and they really target to raise the cultural and mental level of the children. Tom & Jerry, Toy Story, Captain Maged, Pokemon…etc.

Phrases I Like

There are some particular words and phrases that whenever I hear or read, they affect me by some way. It is hard to explain. But I can say that I love these words and phrases, regardless the full meaning of the whole sentence! Just try to listen to them with me, and feel these special moments.

• Washed out
• Unleash the beast
• Fragrance
• Sound of trees
• Swept away
• Guru
• Procrastination
• Sincere
• Extreme beauty
• Never-the-less
• Volatile spirit
• Milky way
• Hand-in-hand
• Quiet anger
• Ever after

The list goes on and on… I admit I was lucky enough to see more than half of that list in the last couple of days. I couldn’t be happy more than now!

A Dream

I had a dream that I was with you for one day. We were together for only 24 hours. We did make use of every single minute. Everyone we knew were visiting us. It was too crowded that I desperately searched for a quiet place. I was dying for a moment with you alone. But I never got that chance. We were busy with all those visitors and all these tasks. People were reluctant to give us space. All what we could share, were thoughts but no real talk. By the end of that day, I felt that it is enough. Those 24 hours were more than enough. Yet, I still needed few more hours.

10 Things I Wish to Try

1. Water skiing
2. Skydiving
3. Writing a movie
4. Protesting against something
5. Riding a bike between two cities
6. Living in snow
7. Performing a show on ice (using those skates)
8. Taking a break on a private island
9. Being a world champion
10. Living in a clean city

I Miss You

I miss you more than words can ever tell.
I miss the way you looked into my eyes.
I miss the way you indulged me.
I miss the way you took care of me when I am sick.
I miss the way you kissed me when you piss me off.
I miss the way you slept by my side.
I miss the way you stayed up late with me when I had work to do.
I miss the way you asked me to prepare your food.
I miss looking to you.
I miss playing with you.
I miss your hug when no one else is there for me.
I miss our outings together.
I miss our games together.
I miss the way you protected me from strangers invading our house.
I miss the way you liked my friends.
I even miss talking about you with my friends.
I miss every little detail we used to share.
I desperately miss my cat Simba… He was the best companion ever.
Simba.. I miss you and I love you more than anyone can ever imagine!

Sixth Sense

Why do I see things in my mind before seeing them with my eyes?! I literally mean these words. Many million times, I have thought about someone, thought about something and in almost less than an hour it happens.

I do not control what I think about. I just let it happen. But how?!

There is that dream that I had at night, it was so real that I remember every detail of it. When I wake up in the morning, first incident is to meet that person I have been dreaming of. It is not that I miss that person or know him that much. But it just happens that way!

One other time, I was in a super market, and I was thinking of someone I knew during college. I remember things about the person, the tiny little situations when I dealt with that person. When I turn around, I see that person on my right! Is it really true?! Is it really a sixth sense?! Am I making all this up?!

Some other time, I am driving my car, when I feel missing my college friends. I remember them, and the time when we spent all day and night together. When all of a sudden, I find one of them in the car next to me!

When I think of one of my family members, and I feel the urge to call to check on one of them. When I start searching for the name on my mobile phone, I find her calling me interrupting my search for her name!

Have you ever seen that car accident before it happens? Have you ever thought about someone and saw him within the next day? Have you ever dreamt that someone will die, and you find his name on the newspapers next day? Is this really a sixth sense? Do I make this up or is it really happening to me?!

Ramadaaaaaaaaaaan

Ramadan is almost two weeks away! Who could ever imagined that! It’s almost no time till we get there… So excited, so happy, yet so scared…

So excited about the different life style, so happy that we will see our relatives more than we normally do, so scared to be unable to do what I wish to do…

It’s Ramadan Everybody… Kol sana we7na tayebeen

I need extra life!

I wish to find those extra life bottles that we usually find in those old games. I need to take a couple of extra life bottles everyday to be able to give what I am supposed to give throughout my day. For some reason, I am very weak that I can hardly manage to wake up. I am too weak to go to work and do the normal daily duties. I badly need some extra life bottles… Can you lend me some?!

Working for Free!

Working in the university is the abstract definition of working for free! Working for the country -and it does not appreciate it- and for one’s self! This is the second time explicitly and the millionth time implicitly that I am not paid what I am supposed to be paid for! The reason is always the same: “Someone forgot to put my name in the list”. This case is not only with me. It is a very common thing that always happens at the university.

I am not working for money at the university, I have some other different goals, but it’s my right! For instance, last summer, the summer training is an extra course that we are teaching. Also, we are supposed to be paid extra money (20L.E. or something!) for that course. The treasure room employee told me that there is some manager who forgot to place all the names because he used a single page of the TAs instead of 4 pages! So, only 1/4 were paid the share of all employees. So, basically, those who were paid, got more money than they should, and those who were not paid, got nothing at all. Of course we were promised to be compensated. But we all know what really happens in the government. Nothing is really compensated, because it would be a clear annoucement that someone made a mistake!

This year, I was teaching in a department which is following the credit hours system. I gave 30%~40% of the labs. So, the normal thing, is to get paid for those extra labs. Unfortunately, the head of that department forgot to place my name in the list. Also, I am pretty sure that someone else took my share (regardless the amount, I am talking about the concept). Also, of course, no one will admit their mistakes. I am pretty sure I will not get any extra penny. I announce being oppressed for that governmental job. I announce that being a TA is a pure definition of giving all yourself for free for some people who are not worthy (yes! students nowadays are worthless).

Taking a Break

Being away of college for a couple of weeks now does bring peace into my life! I seriously feel less stressed. I am glad that I am in that break. I will do my best, to stay in that break mode for the longest period ever!

Getting the escalation I have always waited for. That brings relief to my never ending project that destroys every sweet moment of my life. At last, I have got the escalation. It is time to take revenge!

Eager to go on vacation, that brings a sense of relaxation into my life. I feel so relaxed and eager to go into that vacation that I strongly deserve.

I’m really longing to that break… I hope this really works as planned!

People – Ingratitude

I will start a new serious of posts talking about different people. I will talk about real people in my life. They might be good or bad, tough or tender, loving or hating…etc. They are people of my life. People who directly affected me, or indirectly affected me or my beloved ones.

Today, I will talk about one of my – so-called – family members. She is so strange with every meaning that word might hold. She does not pay enough attention to her child. She is a strong believer that she is totally independent from her family. She believes that she is what she is because of her. She is totally refusing the fact that her parents were supporting her to be who she is. She is totally a weird person!

She is the reason why my parents are now suffering. She is believing to be the messenger for the family. She is believing that everyone should consider her a role model for how to live a successful life! She lives to work, and nothing else. She believes that we are living to work, work, work and work. She does not take care of her little baby because she has got work. If her baby is dying in the hospital, she does not have problems to go to work and get back to her. She does not do anything else in life except working. Needless to mention that she does not have a problem to insult anyone anywhere.

She forgot religion, she forgot the fact that she is a Muslim. She is very easy-going with guys despite she is married. I remember last Ramadan, she was saying that she would probably not fast the month because she does not want to lose weight! She does not greet me if we met by chance. Actually, she does not greet me at all, the reason is well know: “I am veiled”.

She believes that she suffered during her childhood, during her teenage and during her adult life to be someone. That suffering is by being in a very well reputed school, being an AUCian and working in most multinational companies. She is not satisfied with her life. She is not satisfied with all the lives of all those surrounding her. Yes, we all do suffer to some extend, we never have a perfect life. But it is never turning to complete revolution for whatever happened in previous life. She is blaming her parents for bringing her brothers and sisters! She is blaming her brothers and sisters for standing on her way. She is blaming her uncles and aunts for not being well-educated. I remember once that she tried to help another one of our family. He was in need of some money and actually, she totally ruined it! She messed up everything and never apologized. She helped him by exposing it to for everyone, by embarrassing him and by reminding him of it every time she met him! She always shows off with whatever she does.

In three words, I hate her. I thank Allah every day and night that I am not like her. I pray in every prayer not to be anything like her. I do not want to be that non-existing mother. I do not want to be that tense envying sister. I do not want to be that ingratitude child. I do not want to be that unreal muslim. I do not want to lose everything for the sake of my job. I do love to be successful without showing off. I love to be moderate. I feel satisfied by seeing others happy. This world is not all about me!

One last thing, I wish she returns back to a good person. I really wish that. I feel ashamed for having her a family member. Yet, I pray for her to be really one of us.

Are You in a Relation?

Well, as much as the title of this post is misleading, as much as it is so true. I am talking about that type of relationships between you and your personal devices and tools.

For me, I can never forget the love relationship I had with my very first mobile phone. It was an ancient Nokia mobile phone. It was one of my best friends. I brought it all different covers. I was very keen to have that ringing tone. I was very careful to buy a small bag to keep it neat. I fed it almost every time it was hungry (for electricity). How couldn’t I love it! It kept all my friends numbers and contacts. It helped me communicate with them. It was the reason why I decreased quarrels with my parents for being late. Well, I simply loved it.

I could never forget the day when it was stolen. I cried for more than a week. I could not sleep for many nights. I kept dreaming with it. Also, whenever I saw one of its covers, I remembered my loss, and felt more grief. It was one of the most shocking moments. When I lost one of my best friends in such an accident.

But from then, I took a promise. I will never ever get attached to my devices and tools. Especially if they are easy to break up with me. I never got attached to any mobile phone after that, whether it was Nokia, Samsung, HTC or whatever. Whether it was touch screen, flipping, full keyboard or simple buttons. I found it safer to never get in a relationship with my mobile phone. I am even taking back-ups for the contacts list! I am making it clear, that the phone is the one that needs me, and not vice versa! (But keep your voice low, I know I need it to a large extend!)

A Prayer

يا ربى لك الحمد كما ينبغى لجلال وجهك وعظيم سلطانك

اللهم بارك لنا فيما رزقتنا وقنا عذاب النار، اللهم ارزقنا رزقا حلالاً طبيا مباركاً

Being A Manager

If you are in a position that makes you a manager or a leader, you should have some major personal skills. I believe if you lack any of these skills, you would definitely be a terrible leader. Also, all the employees/students/people you’re leading, would get totally lost.

These major characteristics are:

1. Strategic response for whatever comes up
2. Good communication skills
3. Decision taking
4. Decision applying
5. Firm
6. Democrat
7. Full awareness of the system
8. Fair
9. Listening
10. Charismatic

If you wish to be successful manager, try to work on these soft skills. You will be a beloved manager, and your people will be blessed to have you.

Carless

I had a fight with my car that we had to separate. It is now my x-car. So, I am carless and proud! Needless to mention, that I am enjoying being a passenger instead of a driver in this traffic and heat!

Lifetime Decision

I have been talking to myself lately about one of my most important turning-point rough huge decisions that I made a couple of years ago. I am forced to think about it every-now-and-then to evaluate what I have done. I have to talk to myself to figure this out…

I: Do you regret it?
Myself: Absolutely not.

I: Do you wish to think about it again?
Myself: I have already did for so long. I know that my decision was the right choice.

I: Now, after all those years, do you still believe it was the right decision?
Myself: Everyday, I evidence that my decision was the most perfect, yet the toughest.

I: What would you like to tell others?
Myself: Always follow your mind if you were a girl, and your heart if you were a guy.

I: What do you want me to do now?
Myself: Think about everything. Is it worth that much suffering? Are you the one always making sacrifices? Think. That’s what you should do now. Think and decide.

I: I need sometime alone now.
Myself: Myself need sometime alone too.

By the way, lifetime decisions are can be related to relationships.. studying.. working.. traveling..etc. They are simply a decision that affects your whole life!

Types of Parents

There are many types of parents and according to their type, their children thoughts will be formulated. I was thinking about this issue deeply. Why are some children so sensitive and so fragile? Why others are so tough? Why others listen? Why others do not even talk? Why some guys refuse marriage? Why some girls pretend to be something else? A lot of questions about different behaviors and they are all consequences of different parents.

Type I: Tough Parents. They are against any activity their child wants to do. They are against any way of dressing. They are not allowing their child any kind of freedom. The child is a revolutionary child. He does not like anything surrounding him. He hates life. He can hardly cope with others. He usually feels that friends are the real family. These parents leave a lot of wounds in their kid’s heart. The gap between parents and kids is too wide. Usually, day starts with a fight, and the kid normally sleeps on his tears. As soon as this kid grows up and be a man, he tries to break every rule set by his parents, plus he never tries to involve them in his personal life. Also, if this kid was a girl, she would stick to silence to avoid quarrels, and as soon as she has got the chance to escape her life, she will take it. She lies about almost everything to do whatever she likes without being caught. It is not a matter of doing right or wrong things, it is a matter of escaping her family and searching for a virtual family between her friends and beloved ones. Tough parents generate bended kids with fragile broken hearts.

Type II: Indulging Parents. They are doing everything their kid asks for. They give him everything. They do all what they can in all means, just for the sake of their child. They are over-indulging their child. In this case, the child is over spoiled. The child never experiences a situation where his request is being rejected. When this child grows up, he never accepts refusal or denial. He always sees that everyone is serving him. He sees that whatever he needs should be done. He hardly know the difference between right and wrong. He does not care whether it is wrong or not, as long as he wants something, then it should be done. These kids are totally dependant. They can hardly be responsible of a new life. They are terrible wives/husbands. Who can ever bear to live with such selfish characters! They definitely are so selfish. Indulging parents introduce spoiled selfish grown ups to the society.

Type III: Loving Parents. They are the parents that do their best to keep their children in a good state. They give them all the necessary care. They raise their children on love and with love. They are extremely strongly attached to their kids. I know that this is the normal type of parents. Parents that give all the care to their children. Parents that help their kids grow up and be responsible. Parents that teach their children how to face life. These parents sometimes fall into some traps when they choose love over what should be done. When their children insist on doing something they do not agree on, they choose to let him do it from their loving instinct. They let them live their life. These parents raise their children well so that when they pass their teen age time, they totally leave them do whatever they want to do. These parents are strongly attached to their kids that they can hardly imagine them being away. Unfortunately, those type of kids find it hard to be trapped with new rules. They need a special type of soul mates. If the mate is a man of rules, then life won’t work out. But if he is a man who trusts what she is doing, then, it would be a perfect life. Because she would be doing whatever she wants without being overwhelmed with new rules. Loving parents raise a responsible loving grown-up who hates rules.

Type IV: Giving Parents. These are the parents who give everything for the sake of their children. They give their life, their time, their job and their everything for the sake of raising their kids. This type of parents normally are formed of a hard-working father and a housewife mother. These kids are having a healthy parents who give all their care and attention for them. Sometimes the father is always not here. Sometimes the mother is doing more than she should. But in some other cases, parents can make the right equation for their kids. In case the father was not here, these kids are so soft. They are raised on the concept that the father is the money-maker and the mother is the maid. They are incapable of starting a new life with a working mother. Also, a woman would be totally agreeing if her husband asked her not to work. These parents are not always up-to-date with technology, especially the mother. How could she cook, clean, raise her kids and yet be a technology mother! The over-giving parents are a blessing for every child but they make it hard for any mate for their children! Their children can hardly do things on their own. Their girls can hardly be independent successful workers and wives (I mean both). That’s why most of the time, their girls can hardly accept the marriage idea. Their boys almost never share in the house work. Consequently, these parents generate more of “see-el-sayed” men and “anti-marriage” girls.

Type V: Non-existing Parents. These are the parents who almost never exist for their children! They give them zero care, zero supervision and zero anything their kid would need psychologically. These parents are only money providers. They do not know their kids. They do all what they can to be away of their children. These parents unfortunately give their kids one good and one bad thing. The good part is raising a fully independent child. The child almost tried everything, and he is fully capable of identifying the good and bad of everything. The bad part about these parents is about the behavior. Basically, this child learns from outside the house. So, you can never know from where he will learn his behavior, what kind of friends he would make. You can never know if he would ever try drugs or change his religion! You can never know if she is still a virgin or not! You can never know. The non-existing parents is the way most of the western parents live. But we are all aware how terrible their lives is. Yes, they are fully independent and responsible. But manners wise, you can never know. These parents generate disloyal children with no expected behavior pattern. They also introduce more immature parents and more psychologically homeless grown-ups.

Classification of parents is a never-ending list. Especially that most parents are not sticking to one type, most parents are hybrids of two or three types. But normally, you would find a dominant type in your parents. So, what type of parents have you got? And What type of parents would you want to be?

Him

He is someone I always wait for. He is the hero of my dreams. He is my one true love. Day after day, I feel him more. Tear after tear, I miss him more. I see him in every face I look to. I wish to meet him in every street. I walk aimlessly searching for him. I wonder when I will really meet him. Is it my destiny to meet him? Is it my fate to be with him? Is he real or is he just a dream? Will we ever meet in this life? Will we ever meet in next life? Does he think of me like I do? Does he care for me like I do? Have we ever met before or not yet? How does he look like? How would I react when I see him? How would I react when I know it’s him? When will I ever get the chance to see him? I miss him. I can’t wait to see him. “Him” is the person I have been looking for, will I ever find him?

Why Blogging?

It’s all because I am searching for a way out. I need to be heard. I need to be listened or at least, I need to pretend that I am being listened to. I need to know that there is someone out there having my same thoughts, my same feelings, even if they were different from mine. I just need to know that there is someone out there!

Sometimes life kills every beautiful thing you might have been doing. Sometimes those beautiful things are killed by your own friends. Sometimes it is the work. Some other times, it is just you being overwhelmed with zillions of tasks that you can barely have the time to breathe. The problem is that, the more you get older, the more you can see life better, the more you know the fact. That fact is the real picture of life. It’s all dark!

Blogging is my way to escape life. Yes, I sometimes need the time to escape life with all its stress. Blogging is my way to have the time to think, day-dream and be positive. Blogging is my way to pour out all the negative energy gained from daily life style. Blogging is my replacement for my other hobbies. My other hobbies which life conquered without my will. Blogging makes me feel that I am running, drawing or chatting with an old friend. As I just said, Blogging is my way of escaping the stressing life.

I just hope for now that life does not prevent me from blogging. It will definitely be the end of being a human and the dawn of being a robot.

A Prayer

اللهم لا تعذبنا بذنوبنا واعفوا عنا واغفر لنا وارحمنا

He’s a Doctor!

Doctors are having that special look that you can hardly miss. Doctors are having special characteristics that sometimes help them in personal life, and some other times it ruins it!

Doctors in general never listen to others. They are used to hear patients complaining and aching. So, doctors never listen to complains of their close friends. They simply don’t understand pain. They just try to give a treatment for every symptom without real listening to the words behind pain. For them, everyone is just a patient that needs some periodic care and medication! They also don’t listen to others opinions, doctors are used to taking decisions about prescriptions. Have you ever seen a doctor taking the patient’s opinion about his decision! Of course not! Simply, doctors never listen!

Doctors always love music and air conditioners. Music helps them concentrate and relax. It also helps them get over all the complains they’ve seen during the day! Air conditioners remind them of the surgery room. I think this is the dream of every new doctor to go into that room. Also, it is the place where old doctors feel like a second home!

Doctors love the white color. This is the color code of the doctors official vest. How could they hate that color!

Doctors are always pretending. They cannot meet a patient with an angry face. They should always pretend that they are happy, satisfied, caring and above all, they should pretend to be listening!

Doctors are always having frameless eye glasses. This gives them that fake prestige!

Doctors are either too religious or too far from being religious! It’s either they see miracles in their daily life which keeps them close to Allah, or they trust their healing powers in a way that makes them totally forget about the religion. In some acute cases, those second type doctors, lose faith in Allah.

Doctors have super mental powers! They know all these medications. They study for all those years. They fill their memory with all types of chemicals just for the sake of being a doctor.

Doctors are doctors!

He’s an Engineer!

Engineers ALWAYS have these funny theories about almost everything in life. They have their own styles. They have their freaky way of thinking. They always have theories. They always look like “engineers”!

I had a friend of mine – definitely an  engineer – who was totally convinced not to put on his eye glasses. He had short sight. He was always avoiding putting on his eye glasses. His theory: “I don’t want my eyes to get used to it”. The funny thing, I met more engineers possessing the same theory!

Engineers in general put on clothes that have sharp lines. Haven’t you ever heard an engineer saying: “Why do you always wear plain clothes?! You should try to put on some vertically stripped chemise”. In some other cases, the engineer would suggest a horizontally stripped chemise!

Engineers have rectangular eye glasses. The follow the theory of sharp lines.

Engineers like to put equations for everything. They put schedules for everyone. They assume some variables and come up with the final result! It always happens to me, whenever I try to meet an engineer, that I find all these equations to define the meeting point and the meeting minute! They assume the time we will take to reach the meeting point, based on previous statistics of the same hour for the same week last year! They assume the parking availability for the car depending on the car size! After that, they come up with a meeting point in (x,y) coordinates and time in hh:mm:ss format!

Engineers set a lot of rules for everyone around. Girls set an infinite set of rules for the guys on how to deal with them. They also set another infinite set of rules for themselves on how to live! Guys set an infinite set of rules for their family, friends, co-workers and even the office boy on how to deal with them. Engineers do love rules!

Engineers cannot know nothing! Have you ever seen an engineer telling you “I don’t know”! Impossible!

Engineers are engineers!

North Coast

NORTH COAST = HEADACHE!

At work, a friend of mine and myself were trying to satisfy the requests of 200+ employees of their favorite timings to reserve a chalet or apartment in the North Coast. That’s totally a volunteer work. I admit I feel happy to see others happy. But… There’s always a “But”.

We tried to set up a system to make reservations more professional and less stressing. We asked everyone to submit a request on some electronic system with their requests. My friend and myself were handling 70+ requests over a couple of days. We tried to satisfy ALMOST everyone, with all these complicated engineering equations and sophisticated probabilities, just for the sake of making everyone happy. Needless to say, we are having deliveries (we’re engineers!). I was on a sick leave the first half of the week and still recovering. My friend had to stay at work till 10:30 pm! We were doing our best for the sake of everyone. But… There’s always a “But”.

I received complaints of some of the people that they are not happy that we are changing the reservation system. They were complaining that we did not handle their requests in order – despite of that new system! They complained that we are not professional enough! Others complained that the VERY specific dates requested were not empty for them!

What I wanted to say… Despite everything… People never appreciate the effort! Also, I would like to thank my friend!

Things that Make Me Happy

1. Weekends
2. Being away of college and still work
3. Seeing the students projects REALLY working
4. Pasta with Red Sauce
5. Running
6. Helping Others
7. Sleeping Well
8. Having a dream of my grandma
9. Cooking a delicious plate
10. Praying El Fajr with my husband
11. Blogging
12. Doing things more than normal people does per day!
13. Seeing my friends and my sweet cousin
14. Basketball
15. Watching LOST and Friends
16. Chocolates
17. Making others happy
18. Reading some blogs, including my old blog
19. Teaching
20. Driving
21. Dancing
22. Fixing electric stuff for others
23. Listening to Quran while driving
24. Meeting anyone by chance
25. Chatting with Mum and my sister

The list did not end yet. I just have a feeling that anyone who reached the end of the list would definitely feel bored! You’re still reading till that point! Then, Thank you You made me happy, you’re number 26

Evil Me

Before going into anything, I would like to say that I have allergy in my eyes. It has been so acute the last 3 weeks and it’s not getting any better. I do know why. I do know the cure. But I can’t take it because it is cortisone. Anyway, away from my condition, I wanted to say that I always had replies for everyone trying to “yefty”. But I never dared to tell them As a matter of fact, this condition is always getting on my nerves. So, whenever someone tries to come up with a solution for my sake. For unknown reason, I feel so upset that I need to cry. Let’s put all of this aside and listen to my inner conversations

طب ما تروحى لدكتور
ده على أساس انى مفكرتش فى الحل ده ودى كانت آخر فكرة ممكن تيجى فى بالى

طب ما تلبسى نظارة
هو حد قال إن نظرى ضعيف! ولا النظارة هى اللعلاج السحرى اللى ولا دكتور فى البلد فكر فيه

طب ما تاخدى علاج
أيوة ما هو أصلى أنا بحب أعذب نفسى

طب ما تغيرى القطرات
أنا عامة جربت كل حاجة فى البلد وبره البلد

طب مانروحى لدكتور
تانى؟؟؟؟؟؟؟

ما هو أكيد فيه علاج
العلاج الوحيد كورتيزون وكان لازم أبطله لأنه تعبنى
استحاله يعنى، أكيد فيه دواء
ده على أساس ان كل حاجة ليها علاج؟؟ ولا هو حضرتك مخترع الدواء بس مش عايز تقوللى تواضع؟؟

A million situation happen with me lately. I totally understand that this is because people love me and care for me. But for unknown reason, this whole thing hurts me. So, I kindly request everyone to stop “faty” and “advises”. I can’t take any more. And also accept my apologized for mocking whoever tried to help

A prayer

يا رب

KEFAYA!

College + 42 degrees temperature + Dust + Exam Supervision + No Food

=

A Desperate Sick Psychic Version of Me

Don’t Kill the Princess!

Inside every girl lives a princess. Regardless how that girl looks like, there definitely is a princess inside her. Either she is a super star model or a kick boxer, either she is a 5 years old kid or a grandmother for 15 grandchildren, she still has a princess soul inside her.

The princess inside every girl is pretty simple. How would you deal with a princess? Indulge her, listen to her, do whatever she says, never overwhelm her with tasks, kiss her, hug her, treat her like a fragile piece of art, bring her everything that makes her happy, take care of her…etc. The princess inside every girl also need nurturing. If everyone stopped giving her what she needs, that would definitely kill the princess!

Many times, people forget that – most probably guys -. They hurt the princess by mistake. Some of these wounds are very deep that they might kill the princess! But what’s the big deal! You did not kill the girl, and it must be a passing by feeling. Unfortunately, by killing the princess, you have just killed the girl. You killed her internal feeling that she is a girl! No one to blame for her roughness, careless look and improper actions but yourself.

Just Don’t Kill the Princess!

Our Doorman

We had a doorman called “Awad”. He was a polite doorman, honest, dedicated and quiet. He never complained about his little salary. He was taking 17L.E. from every apartment. The building had almost 28 apartments (I don’t know how many are actually having people). So, by a very simple calculation, he should be earning no more than 476L.E. per month. He has got four kids and a wife. I believe he is a human being, so he must be eating, drinking and cleaning! Two of his kids are in school. Despite everything, he never complained and he never asked us for more.

I remember once, I dropped off my mobile phone beside the car. He kindly took it, waited for someone to call and delivered it back to me. Above all, he did not accept money for being honest. One other time, I returned home carrying so many things, he saw me and picked up all the bags without me asking for it. I am not that kind of person that asks for things to be done for myself, but he was already helping without waiting for a single request.

Friday, for the first time, I got out and found the car covered with dust. I thought may be the doorman had traveled or something. The next day, the cars weren’t cleaned as well despite seeing Awad in front of the building. That was the strangest thing for us. When my husband took the initiative to talk to him, he met one of our neighbors and we knew the story.

About three days ago, one of our respectable neighbors (Mr. Mohamad, who is known to have a terrible mood), kicked him out! Mr. Mohamad returned from his work at 11:00 pm, parked his car is his place and got inside the building. When he saw Awad, he cursed him, his family and his parents! The reason: Awad did not move the street dogs away when Mr. Mohamad came in!!! Mr. Mohamad kindly screamed to Awad, telling him that he was not efficient enough and he should be leaving the building! I’m not telling the exact words because they are totally out of my ethics rules!

For my surprise, the person in charge of the building affairs, Mr. Maher, was standing right beside him in front of the elevator and listening to all the sarcasm being said by Mr. Mohamad. Did I mention that Awad did not say a word? He was holding his temper to the fullest and he did not break the rules of ethics. Mr. Mohamad kept cursing. Mr. Maher did not say a word. He was not agreeing, but he was standing helpless. After Mr. Mohamad left, Mr. Maher told Awad to forget about what he had said. He asked him not to leave. Awad was hurt, his dignity was broken for a very stupid reason.

Second day, Mr. Mohamad is going again for work in the morning. As soon as he had seen Awad, he started to curse him and his family again. Awad was totally pissed off, and decided to leave. He could not accept more humiliation by such a person. So, everyone in the building told Awad they would talk to Mr. Mohamad to make him stop. Unfortunately, everyone was AFRAID to talk to Mr. Mohamad. They did not want to be cursed themselves by such a man. Awad left. Everyone feels sad. Mr. Mohamad doesn’t seem to stop cursing.

End of Story

Who did what… NOTHING. I won’t stop still. I want to face that Mr. Mohamad. I want to talk to every apartment to stand infront of that terrible character. We should stop him. I am still shocked of what happened. The man prevented the only job Awad had in cold blood!

The army

A couple of days ago, I have met by chance one of my university colleagues. He was one of the department guys on the last year. We were only 13. He graduated like us, July 2007. I met him at College. He was filling his papers and he was taking his graduation certificate only NOW!

He said that he has JUST finished his army duties! He was not a soldier, he was an officer! He spent the last three years in the army, doing everything different from being a computer science graduate. When I thought about it. I tried to compare myself to him. It was terrible! Just the idea was terrible. In the last three years, elhamdulelAllah, I could find myself a couple of jobs. I got married. I played sports. I broke my knee. I bought a car. I could make Ummrah. I learned french. I went to Europe. I could do thousands of things that would be hard to mention all here! But what about him?

He is starting from scratch. I believe he has forgotten every single thing he has ever learned in computer science. How could he find a job. What if his studies are now obsolete?! In computer sciences, if you’re one year late for the technology, you’d be obsolete. Now, you’re telling me three years! What technologies he used in the army. He admitted “Nothing”. He is three years late than everyone else. No job, no education, no wife, no money. Above all, did he really add something to the army?! Did he learn something from the army worth that much loss?!

The army is  a magnificant way to destroy our youth. I do not hate the army itself. But I hate the sacrifices one has to do for its sake. The only mistake he has done was that “He is a man who had a brother”!

We made ourselves that way!

We always complain that we are dis-respected everywhere in the world. I mean by “we” the Arabs, the Muslims and the Egyptians as well. This is all because of our own mistakes. Our own culture drowned us down. Our culture is the result of our thoughts, behaviors and habits. But it is not something we should stand still in front and surrender to.

When you see all of these Muslims and Arabs, as a number, you think… What if they were all “productive”… What if they were all “real” Muslims… What if they were well-educated. And by the way, I mean by education, the ability to read and write and the ability to think! They shouldn’t be scientists, doctors and engineers. But at least 30%~40% of them should be. What is missing in our culture that made us that way. We actually miss everything.

We miss our Identity. We miss being real Muslims. We miss being dedicated to whatever we do (learn, work, study, teach…etc). We miss our conscious. We miss our honesty. We forgot who we are, so the world forgot us. We should be something again, otherwise, we shall never rise up again. I will start with myself and the little circle of people surrounding me.

I will rise up again. I have to!

Sweet November

I have watched that movie yesterday, and it was very touching. I know it is a romantic one, but I do like that type of movies. The girl was extremely generous. She gave herself, her life and her time for someone. The whole movie, he was so reluctant to take her offer. He was a normal successful person. He could not understand why would someone like her give him all this care and attention. He could not understand what would she get in return. He was a man with a workaholic mindset. He was following the rule: “You give me, I give you”. But she was different.

She was willing to give him everything to make him happy. Her happiness was by helping others. She was living to make others happy. Despite her cancer, despite being abandoned by her family, she was willing to give. That wasn’t all. When her cancer started to get more sever. She asked the man she loved to leave. She could not handle his suffering because of her. She neglected her feelings. She accepted to be a memory for him. She continued her life loving him, caring for him and yet, stepping over every right as a human. She was living, just to make others happier and better.