The Bridge..

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I stood in front of you that day. My heart was aching and tears were on the edge of flowing. I wished to hide between your arms. This would have been the safest place on earth for me that particular moment. You were so close. You sat down on the bridge while I stood up so that you look to me from a lower place. I was so close that I felt your soul is fully inside me. Your eyes, face, hands and body… all so close.. at my chest level. You leaned down a bit looking for those tears. You saw me holding them. Then you straightened your arms, offering a hug. I stood there, wishing to! But I couldn’t. Then you stood up. Me facing you, with our height difference it felt perfect. I wanted nothing more than this hug. I wanted to place my arms around your neck and hide my face on your left shoulder. I wished that you open your arms for me to go inside. But you didn’t. I looked to the ground out of shyness, sadness and held tears. It has been a lot. I wished to hide between your arms and cry.. just cry my soul out. I felt pushed to just throw my full body into you. You standing there. Ready for me. Me wishing for you.. nothing stopped me except my fear of losing you. I wished to, needed to, and hoped to hide in you. But I just couldn’t!

I always wonder how do you make me feel that safe always the whole time? Why do I run to you in every situation? Why are you my safe resort? Many questions but one answer.. the love and intimacy I have for you is something beyond explanation. Part of your soul grew inside of me . And it will always be like that.

Without you, I would have definitely never existed.

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I vs You

Some of us use “I” in conversations more than “You”. They are very self centred and self focused. No matter how hard you try to be there for them, that they would be able to see you or add you to their equation. This becomes painful along time. Since you invest a lot trying to be “something” for them. But eventually, you end up “nothing”.

People Change.. to Assholes

People change along years. We all do. They either become -perhaps- a better versions of themselves, or -definitely- become assholes. No one remains the same. We build experiences and memories along days. We meet different people, but the most common pattern is that people turn to assholes, while in some rare cases, people become humans!

a22d4c7e2b2fa07c985149b5b77ab856Being an asshole became a pattern, a characteristic and an advantage. Assholes take people for granted. They misuse their power, and abuse everyone lying in their circle of relationships. They become the threat, where everyone else becomes a victim.

Assholes circle is growing massively fast, that it leaves no chance for “Humans” to stay. Humans leave this life early enough not to be harmed, but some fail to escape on the right time. Some are still captured, harmed, tortured and abused. Usually after such asshole’s actions, those humans are left behind as wreckage, remains of humans.

Damage is beyond explanation.. Pain is more than what words can explain.. Once upon a time.. I used to be a human.. Now, I am only remains of a human..

Choices

belief-choices-courage-life-Favim.com-3547194-300x300People make choices.. lots of them. They know facts, or guess things, and eventually they still choose to make their own choices. They choose to stay with a cheater, or decide to end a fraud. They choose to break their child’s soul, or live up and stand up for them. They choose to believe a stranger telling a strange truth, or trust a brother who is full of lies.

Choices are made, consciously and unconsciously. But they change our lives forever. They change the lives of those surrounding us forever. Our choices do not only affect us, but they affect everyone else around.

It is all about choices..

Auf der Suche

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Wenn ich kein Wörter mehr finde.. Wenn ich kein Lösung mehr habe.. Wenn ich ganz depremiert bin.. Wenn ich mit niemand sprechen kann.. oder darf.. Wenn die ganze Welt sehr schwarz ist.. Wenn Angst mein Hauptgefühl ist.. Wenn Hass mich ausfüllt.. Wenn ich mich töten will.. Wenn Tod zu werden eine Wünsch ist… Wenn keiner mich versteht… oder mit mir bleiben will… Wenn ich stark abgelent bin..

Dann bin ich auf der Suche auf Hilfe.. Irgendwelche Hilfe, die vielleicht mir auf Dreck rausziehen kann.. Vielleicht es ist kein Dreck, vielleicht es ist einfach mein Leben.

Auf der Suche.. bin ich immer noch.

Duaa

اللهم إليك أشكو ضعف قوتي وقلة حيلتي وهواني على الناس يا أرحم الراحمين أنت ربُّ المستضعفين وانت ربّي إلى من تكلني، إلى بعيد يتجهَّمني أم إلى عدو ملكته أمري إن لم يكن بك علىِّ غضبُُ فلا أبالي، ولكنَّ عافَيَتَك أوسعُ لي أعوذ بنور وجهك الذي أشرقت له الظلمات، وصلح عليه أمر الدنيا والآخره من أن تُنزل بي غضبك أو يَحِلَّ علىَّ سخطُك لك العتبى حتى ترضى ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بك

إلهي كيف أدعوك وأنا أنا، وكيف أقطع رجائي منك وأنت أنت؟، إلهي إن لم أدعوك تستيجب لي فمن ذا الذي أدعوه فيستجيب؟ وإن لم أسألك تعطيني فمن ذا الذي أسأله فيعطيني؟ وإن لم أتضرع إليك تنجيني فمن ذا الذي أتضرع إليه فينجيني؟ إاللهم وكما فلقت البحر لموسى ونجيته من الغرق فصلّ ياربي على محمد وعلى آل محمد ونجني مما أنا فيه من كرب بفرج منك عاجل غير آجل وبرحمتك يا أرحم الراحمين.

About Change..

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Change is the only constant in this life.

Change changes us, and we can change the change.

We cannot change the people, but we can change the people!

Change is sometimes the only cure for the constant pain.

Change is a tough process, even though it does not stop, it gives us a chance to change.

If anything stops changing, it implies its death.

We can change our figures easily, but it takes a long time to change our hearts.