Mean Life

There were days when I gave you the best of me, and you ruined them by giving me the worst of you. I built for you the sweetest memories of your life, while you trapped me in endless nightmares. I always exerted all the efforts happily, while you severely blamed me for every unintended flaw. I was always accused of unreal wrong intentions. All my intuitive ideas were questioned, and eventually rejected. Every single action was pinpointed, and considered as a good soil for sarcasm. I gave you everything, until one day I woke up so drained that I had to give up. I got weakened by your torturing indifference. I lost my firing passion by your consistant anger. I had no other choice to survive, except to runaway.

So I escaped you, suffered my loss of identity, and gave up all my dreams. I made many wrong choices afterwards, because I lost sense of orientation. I had to go through years of pain on my own, until pain became my life style. I have lost my internal passion in life because of you, and no matter how hard I try to get it back, it never lasts. Among all that I lost, I have lost my faith. The faith in myself, people, life, and even God. HE might have protected me of you at that time. But now, after we both changed, why is everything perfect for you and why am I still lost that way. I think I will never know. At least not in this life!

Somehow after all that time, I fail to let go, I fail to forgive myself for running away, I fail to forgive your friends for not talking to you to get us back together, and I fail to not hate life for being that mean.

5 comments

  1. I have been through a lot in my lifetime so far. I have lost my parents, aunties uncles, children, my house, and much more besides. The only thing that I haven’t lost in the Lord, at least He won’t leave me. Rest assured that He is watching over you. I will pray that He will bring happiness back into your life. Have a lovely day.

    Liked by 1 person

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